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The male mind works in different ways to ours and know they ogle 'non-news' tabloid newspapers for page 3 so difficult to fathom their minds at times . As for the chat rooms they are a definite no no and totally unacceptable!If he is unhappy with your intimate relations he should say so - have you never discussed this with him since your pregnancy/birth?It's the humanitarian in me you just don't know the situation that some of those women (or even men) are in to act in such films.Some are forced(raped), and even at best coerced into being filmed.Personally I think there is nothing wrong with it and the fact you would be hurt by him watching videos that turn him on baffles me I think that, as mentioned, it depends on whether it's been discussed out in the open I suppose.
As you say your self-confidence has been knocked by the birth and the affects on your 'ladybits' so you need reassurance and patience. Unfortunately people do suffer through it, both sides of the camera. He will probably feel bad if he allowed you to give him gratification but you couldn't receive any yourself, so this is the simpler option.
Especially if it's something he says he doesn't do in the early stages of a relationship.
i wonder how many of us know for sure that everything else we buy or are involved in has not caused anyone distress somewhere along the way?
(Have never known dh to buy any and thought they were more for teenager/single men).
Couples seem to use dvds etc together but that's a different thing if a joint venture.