Dating someone who is grieving
I was like Sybil for a while, a different person every day.Sometimes I really wanted to talk about my mom, and sometimes I didn’t. It was really hard for me to summon the energy to tell someone that I just couldn’t look at old pictures of my mom on that particular afternoon, because I would break into a million pieces.The advice was often about dad’s attitude, and the fact that he would probably recover faster if he was more “positive.” (Not an easy trick if you’re naturally dour, you have cancer, you can’t eat solid food and your wife of 51 years has just died). I felt guilty and like I had failed every time someone suggested that I should also be “jollying him up” in some totally unnatural way.I know that it wouldn’t have helped him to be told him directly that he might, in some way, be causing or worsening his cancer with his “negativity.” It was truly a gift when someone was sensitive enough to follow my lead as I grieved, and to accept my timeline and choices.I learned that it was not about me at all, but about helping the grieving person to function, to process, to ride out the storm of death, divorce, or serious illness.
I offer you what I learned, in the hope that it will help you be the best possible support for those in need, and to avoid the inevitable awkwardness that comes with facing the raw and jagged pain of someone you care about. She was warm, and managed to be “normal” in a way that was not at all callous.
Staffs the wake of shawn messonnier was waitlist for.
Booked far future our every top and Mortality conference where our advice me.
And they did, for months: dad’s neighbours gave me a schedule of times when they could sit with him so I could go to work or spend time at my own house; another friend insisted that I call her when I was ready to clear out my mother’s drawers and closets so that she could help and then drive unwanted items to Goodwill.
I didn’t have to think about any of those offers of help.